Funny Valentine’s Day Gifts for Married Couples: Keeping it Real – No Touchy!

When did Valentine’s Day become such a big deal?

shit ass fart yes these swear words are intentional.

As a parent, Valentine’s Day (or should I say “Friendship Day”) has become a Pinterest holiday. That is if I’m feeling ambitious. The acceptable treats list brings on a whole new level of stress. I attach a sticker or pencil and call it a day. Sorry, kids.

Maybe it’s because our anniversary, the holidays, my husband’s birthday, and Valentine’s Day all occur within weeks of one another. Or maybe it’s because I’m thrifty and cannot justify the huge markup that florists charge for Valentine’s Day flowers. Buy me flowers the next day or any other day of the year.

Maybe it’s because our marriage is strong enough on its own without a Hallmark reminder. That said, my husband sometimes gets me a card. And, every so often, I surprise him with a token gift.

*Note: This post was originally posted in February 2018 and has been updated to reflect accuracy and new product information.

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Keeping it Real on Valentine’s Day (Gifts for “Old” Married Couples)

Funny Valentine’s Cards for Couples

I Love You With All My Butt (I would say heart, but my butt is bigger)

Funny Valentine’s Day Keychain

I Would Take A Bullet For You, Not in the Head but in the Leg or Something

PIN FOR LATER!

Funny Books to Give on Valentine’s Day

Us by Curtis Wiklund

In this sweet book, the author sketched the everyday moments of life with his wife.

Marriage Illustrated with Crappy Pictures by Amber Dusick

This book will make you laugh, capturing the ups and downs of marriage.

#Married Life A Snarky Adult Coloring Book

I’m a fan of all of these real-life coloring books for adults.

Funny Pillows to Gift on Valentine’s Day

Note: the products below are pillow covers but you can get a set of pillows here.

If You Really Love Me, You’ll Let Me Sleep

Stay Weird

Funny Mugs for Couples

I’m biased towards the first mug listed here.

I Love You More than I Hate Your Farts Mug

I Said You’re the Good Kind of Fat Mug

A Nod to Whitney Houston Mug (And I Will Always Love You)

Funny Adult Stickers

Gratitude and appreciation are important components of any happy marriage.

I especially love these reward stickers for adults which include achievements like:

I shaved my legs today.

All my laundry is folded.

I got my oil changed today.

I didn’t curse in front of the kids today.

Of course, I’d never decline a spa day, a chance to sleep in, or breakfast in bed. How do you celebrate?

xoxo, 

Happy Valentine’s Day to you!

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